The Adventures of
Rubber-Man

Rubber-Man and the Barbecue of Chaos
(Spring - Summer 2002)

The biggest blow to the Forces of Not so Good was the announcement last May that not only is my plant staying open, we also have a new contract launching in June 2003! Hopefully this will phase in as our other contracts run out and there will be few, if any, lay-offs. I keep contemplating teaching and this at least gives me more time to keep contemplating it. With Zehr's-Woman hard at work battling errant stock boys, chaotic Robo-cashiers and Captain Sucky Pants (see chapter 4 below) there might even be the money for me to take Pre-Confederation Canadian History via correspondence. My sources tell me that the Unemployment Office will pay for full-time schooling for one year to change careers. That about covers Teacher's College once I get that extra course. The trouble is I hate homework, it really cuts into the rest of your life.

Our littlest wiener-head, Roo-bear, is hitting puberty in full stride. She's getting moody. She's starting to grow. She's eating a lot. I'm trying to make sure that there are decent snacking choices available, but a melon (any kind really, she's not fussy...) doesn't stand much of a chance once a rampaging ravenous Roo-bear sets eyes on it. She's wearing the same size as her big sister now. I think she's going to be the biggest of the four of us by the time she's done. But she has a new bike, a new box of pencil crayons (60 colours!), there are toads in the yard and all is right with the world.

So far my biggest frustration this spring has been my barbecue. My barbecue is only two years old and has decided to form an alliance with Lex Luthor.  I had planned a lovely barbecue with my brother and his family. Grilled veggies and everything. When my bro called to say they were on their way he asked Spazhead where I was. "He's outside getting mad at the barbecue" came the reply. After wasting my entire weekend trying to fix the pile of junk I ended up cooking dinner under the broiler. I still need to see what can be done about it. Perhaps this week. It would make Z-Woman pleased to find a new meal preparation unit in operation (although my meat balls went down well yesterday).

One of the reasons Z-Woman ends up working so much is a co-worker known as Captain Sucky Pants. She's slow, she's inaccurate, she makes extra work for Z-Woman to fix the next day, she won't bestir herself more than necessary and repeats her mantra "It's not my job" several times a day. Capt. Sucky Pants' niece had a brain aneurism last February and went into hospital. We all felt very concerned for the youngster but wondered why Capt. Sucky Pants had to take 6 weeks off to sit by her bedside (especially since this meant another co-worker had to come back to work early (after her mother died). And now she's demanding more time off for the surgery to repair the damaged area. The mother doesn't need her help to care for siblings. I'm fairly certain that Captain Sucky Pants isn't part of the surgical team. The big Z has been pretty understanding and is offering a few days off around the surgery and scheduling her hours so she can visit in the evenings, but they're short-handed as it is and some of the others in the office have had to change vacation arrangements already. Capt. S.P. was whining about having to work the July 1st Canada Day long weekend and Zehr's-Woman unleashed some of her Mom Fury at her; pointing out (in tiny words that she could understand) that Z-Woman's last day off had been the previous Monday, her next day off was the following Thursday, R-Man was on holidays and she'd like some time with her family too, so quit whining and suck it up! Capt. Sucky Pants has a pretty thick hide and a selfish streak a mile wide, so the effects of the Mom Fury attack wore off in a short time. Some people's co-workers.....

Recently Rubber-Man found himself in the curious position of being interviewed by a Private Investigator. The shamus was assisting a friend's lawyers in the friend's battle against the Forces of Evil (they've gone a step or two beyond being Not So Good.....). It was quite odd and not at all like in the detective novels that Z-Woman has gotten R-Man hooked on. Perhaps the gumshoe had her fedora in her other trench coat. But I'm not even sure she had a gun. Rubber-Man is, however, always willing to aid the Forces of Good, even though he's sure that being interviewed by Robert B. Parker's Spenser or Chandler's Philip Marlowe would be much more interesting.

Adding the freezer to the basement did spur us to clear out a very cluttered corner, put up some shelves and properly store away all the accumulated camping gear, skates, canning jars and stuff that tends to congregate in dark, dusty basement corners. Being conscientious consumers we had always saved boxes and packaging since if anything goes wrong you have to return it in the original packaging. Years go by, of course, and then you find all this packaging stacked up in the basement. Unfortunately our local garbage collection doesn't recycle the expanded polystyrene anymore. I have visions of alien archaeologists digging through a layer of styrofoam packing material to find the remains of our civilization.

I don't normally watch sports on television. Bocce Ball in the front yard is the only sport I can normally get enthused about. Hockey and Football just don't grab my imagination. Spazhead however, likes soccer and got me watching the World Cup. The first game with Senegal beating the defending champs France was pretty exciting and we watched as much of it as we could. The teams we cheered for each game would be determined by several critical factors; our ethnic heritage/affiliation (England, Germany), style of play (Korea, Belgium, Brazil), spunk (Senegal, Ireland) or failing any of that the colour of the jersey. Nigeria in their eye-searing neon green uniforms were playing Argentina. I said, "Gee Colleen I think we ought to cheer for Argentina, they have the nicest uniforms" but Colleen replied "Yeah, but check out the hair on the Nigerians!" One of the Nigerian strikers had a shaved head except for two small pony tails done up in hair bands that matched the uniform. I came up from the basement one night for a game featuring Germany to find both girls with German flags painted on their faces. By the end of the tournament Spazhead had the flags of the 5 teams we were cheering for the most painted on her nails and we let her get bright pink (Korea, sort of...) highlights in her hair for the end of school. We'd both like to have a Senegal team-shirt, but the merchandise is a bit pricey and they don't even sell Senegal shirts anyway, just the big teams. Sadly however, the World Cup is over for another four years and my inner sports junkie is wondering what it'll do, since soccer isn't covered very well by N. American TV. I can only hope that the Euro Cup tournament in 2004  and the Olympic soccer will get better coverage. Maybe then I can get a flag to stick on the car......

One thing in which we are ahead this year is the garden. Z-Woman took a week off at the end of May to do some gardening and spent most of it inside watching the rain! She only got about 1 day out in the yard that week. Our yard is pretty heavy clay, which if worked while wet it will set up into something not quite, but very similar to concrete. We did however eventually get the vegetable garden dug over and planted.  Z-Woman has a plastic water filled collar around her tomatoes and peppers to keep them warm. She has also installed a big round plastic thingy with holes in the sides and potatoes growing out of it. The idea is to fill it up with dirt as the potatoes grow so that you get more spuds. Seems to be working so far, but we'll see when we take it apart and remove the potatoes. We've also got an assortment of radishes, beans, carrots and leafy greens growing merrily. We're working through our first salad already. I like salad, but it's a pain to make. I have to wonder what we did before Bag O'Salad?

Warmest regards