Just Plain Fun

FDA's Suggestion • A little Irish Tale • Strong Men • Do You Have the Time?

FDA's Suggestion

Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to
your bra and panties.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you
are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over
again that you love them.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on
the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.

A little Irish Tale

PART ONE:

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle.

They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too dern dangerous for me!"

PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

PART THREE:

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean O'Grady appears.  He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken.

Sean O'Grady then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head...

"Dern that Lads. First der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean O'Grady and his dern hengliding.

Strong Men

The strong young man on the construction site bragged he could out do anyone in a feat of strength, especially picking on the older construction workers.

"Well you put your money where your mouth is," an older worker said said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you wont be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "I'll take that bet"

The older worker grabbed the wheelbarrow saying to the young bragger, "All right. Get in."

Do You Have the Time?

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes.

No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying,

"I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep.

He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"