Political Humour
(Just insert the politicians/candidates of the day!)

LUNCH WITH THE PRESIDENT

George Bush and Dick Cheney are enjoying a lunch at the Capitol Grill restaurant.

Their waitress approaches their table to take their order, and she is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies, "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."

"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr. President?" Bush answers, "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says, "I'm shocked and disappointed in you! I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."

With that, the waitress departed in a huff.

Cheney leans over to Bush and says, "Mr. President, I believe that's pronounced 'quiche'

Ice Fishing

Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a Presidential election that was too close to call.

Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things.

The candidate that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, George W. returns to the starting line and he has 10 fish.

Soon, Kerry returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day George W. comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in again with none.

That evening, Bill Clinton gets together secretly with Kerry and says, "I think George W. is a low-life cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. ! Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.

The next night (after George W. comes back with 50 fish), Clinton says to Kerry, "Well, what about it, is George W. cheatin?'"

"He sure is, Bill, he's cutting holes in the ice."